Cold in Berlin this weekend - brrr. Cold, but bright sunshine
We were turned away from a club! Very funny. The fifteen year old at the front desk allowed one of us in (me, of course, being a lady, with a lady's name) but only because she thought that I was "with Mario". Mario was standing right behind me and he had an afro. He looked really nice but we were both slightly perplexed at our sudden association.
When she realised that I was not with Mario she looked horrified, but stroked my arm and gestured me inside. That was when I had to come clean. "Nein, ich habe freunden" I mumbled slightly helplessly. How many, she asked. "Sieben". "SIEBEN!!!"
Oh my. Seven people all at once. She was struck helpless by this concept. She shook her head with great sadness. "Es tut mir leid, es tut mir leid..." Ich auch, sweetie.
So off we headed to another venue which was on the verge of turning us away when inspiration struck. Just like at school. "You can't turn us away. It's her birthday." A big doorful of a man looked relatively unmoved, but was curious enough to ask: "Do you have ID, to show this?"
No ID - but - ta-daaaa! We whipped the freshly opened birthday card poking out of S's handbag out into the open and waved it triumphantly in his face, like a small squadron of Hercule Poirots. "Why would she have this to hand, if it wasn't her birthday?"
He let us in.
O frabjous day.
M&Txxx
Monday 28 March 2011
Wednesday 23 March 2011
Budget Day! And Book Launch Day!
The excitement never ends here at Mel and Tim Towers.
It's the Budget. There is a chance that you may not realise just how much fun tax really is. Let's have a look at VAT (yay, I hear you cry).
The following is true.
For VAT purposes, biscuits wholly or partly covered in chocolate are standard rated.
Alll other biscuits are zero rated.
Cake is zero rated.
How do you tell the difference between cake and biscuit?
I'm glad you asked.
On going stale,
- cake goes hard
- biscuits go soft
Isn't that lovely?
See you later tonight!
M&T x
It's the Budget. There is a chance that you may not realise just how much fun tax really is. Let's have a look at VAT (yay, I hear you cry).
The following is true.
For VAT purposes, biscuits wholly or partly covered in chocolate are standard rated.
Alll other biscuits are zero rated.
Cake is zero rated.
How do you tell the difference between cake and biscuit?
I'm glad you asked.
On going stale,
- cake goes hard
- biscuits go soft
Isn't that lovely?
See you later tonight!
M&T x
Tuesday 22 March 2011
Book launch tomorrow 23 March 2011
Come on over for a drink! The Dalston Superstore is a fine and fun bar with good food and drink. The event starts at 7 pm and we'll do a quick reading shortly thereafter so please be there to mock us and laugh.
117 Kingsland High Street, London E8 2PB. It's has a large awning and you need to look out for it as - like so many great places, it is almost hidden from view. No 115 just next door is very obviously numbered, though, and the bar is opposite a Tesco. Soon EVERYTHING will be opposite a Tesco - but for the time being it's still a fairly good landmark to watch out for.
See you there in your glad rags!
Love, M&T xxx
117 Kingsland High Street, London E8 2PB. It's has a large awning and you need to look out for it as - like so many great places, it is almost hidden from view. No 115 just next door is very obviously numbered, though, and the bar is opposite a Tesco. Soon EVERYTHING will be opposite a Tesco - but for the time being it's still a fairly good landmark to watch out for.
See you there in your glad rags!
Love, M&T xxx
The flutter of a moth
Moths spell death from above for everything woolly (except sheep, who nobly withstand the little buggers).
We had moths in the office and lo! A lovely ginger exterminator visited. Pests in offices are very common (insert joke about harassment here) - but moths were a new one.
I cornered the ginger exterminator (insert second joke about harassement here) and asked him for the low-down on moths. I'll pass on what he said. This is a housekeeping magazine moment - but it may be useful, so here goes.
The problem is that sprays and stuff do not kill the larvae. The moth larvae are the small white worms you might have seen on your ex-favourite jumper. They are very difficult to exterminate. That is why it's so hard to tackle moths.
What you do is kill all the flying ones in the hope that they don't lay more eggs. But you also need to get on your hands and knees and hoover up the little white squirmy things (avoiding hoovering up your husband at this time). That's the bit that I didn't know. You've got to kill not just the adults, but all the children too.
So it's not just a spray around that is needed. By the way, the exterminator told me that any spray that kills flying things will kill moths. Do not spend more than you need to. According to him the most basic supermarket essential does the trick as well as the most sophisticated packaged - and pricey - product. As he was actually employed by a pricey exterminating outfit, I thought this was as close to a rebellion as you can get. Truth will out in the midst of the brain whirling crisis that is clearing pests from business premises.
If any of you have suffered the disappointment of something beautiful and warm turned into a holey cheese of a garment, I suspect that this will have been worth reading. Sorry to everyone else.
Love, M&Txxx
We had moths in the office and lo! A lovely ginger exterminator visited. Pests in offices are very common (insert joke about harassment here) - but moths were a new one.
I cornered the ginger exterminator (insert second joke about harassement here) and asked him for the low-down on moths. I'll pass on what he said. This is a housekeeping magazine moment - but it may be useful, so here goes.
The problem is that sprays and stuff do not kill the larvae. The moth larvae are the small white worms you might have seen on your ex-favourite jumper. They are very difficult to exterminate. That is why it's so hard to tackle moths.
What you do is kill all the flying ones in the hope that they don't lay more eggs. But you also need to get on your hands and knees and hoover up the little white squirmy things (avoiding hoovering up your husband at this time). That's the bit that I didn't know. You've got to kill not just the adults, but all the children too.
So it's not just a spray around that is needed. By the way, the exterminator told me that any spray that kills flying things will kill moths. Do not spend more than you need to. According to him the most basic supermarket essential does the trick as well as the most sophisticated packaged - and pricey - product. As he was actually employed by a pricey exterminating outfit, I thought this was as close to a rebellion as you can get. Truth will out in the midst of the brain whirling crisis that is clearing pests from business premises.
If any of you have suffered the disappointment of something beautiful and warm turned into a holey cheese of a garment, I suspect that this will have been worth reading. Sorry to everyone else.
Love, M&Txxx
Saturday 19 March 2011
Fantastic Mr or Ms Fox
For those in London - isn't it a beautiful day? The sun is streaming through the windows and warming the pavements.
We have a garden, where we frequently go for one of us to have a fag and the other to plot world domination. It's not a big place - just a patch of stone with beds around the side - but it's a good spot. A fox shares this view as he has set up home at the end of it. There is a big dark tunnel at the end to one side, where he or she lives. Occasionally we run into each other and the fox always looks mildly indignant that we are imposing on it.
There has been a development. This morning I saw a neat grey minibus with "Fox Transport" on it, and a small silhouette of a fox on the side. I have a horrible feeling our ginger friend has set up a business locally. It's a breach of all covenants of use on the property. I also have visions of being left helpless as the fox becomes the Norbert Dentressangle of North London. Next time I look out, I fully expect a small business centre to have sprung up, teeming with industrious wildlife.
M&T x
We have a garden, where we frequently go for one of us to have a fag and the other to plot world domination. It's not a big place - just a patch of stone with beds around the side - but it's a good spot. A fox shares this view as he has set up home at the end of it. There is a big dark tunnel at the end to one side, where he or she lives. Occasionally we run into each other and the fox always looks mildly indignant that we are imposing on it.
There has been a development. This morning I saw a neat grey minibus with "Fox Transport" on it, and a small silhouette of a fox on the side. I have a horrible feeling our ginger friend has set up a business locally. It's a breach of all covenants of use on the property. I also have visions of being left helpless as the fox becomes the Norbert Dentressangle of North London. Next time I look out, I fully expect a small business centre to have sprung up, teeming with industrious wildlife.
M&T x
Thursday 17 March 2011
Happy St Patrick's Day
From BL, with thanks, a lovely musical moment:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAg0lUYHHFc
I attended a business dinner yesterday at which I quizzed somebody (who had already declared that he followed "absolute morality", that the Rule of Law was a distraction, and - when I asked where he got his unshakeable moral values from - rolled his eyes heavens-ward and pointed upwards) what his thoughts were on gay marriage.
You can never be disappointed with such creatures: "OUTRAGEOUS!" he hissed.
Marvellous stuff. I wonder what adjectives he has in reserve for (say) someone firing on their own people?
(He was right, though. We were in a basement dining room - and blow me down if I did not find absolute morality on the ground floor, at the bar, having a Pilsner.)
Love to all you cheeky leprechauns out there,
Mel and Tim x
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAg0lUYHHFc
I attended a business dinner yesterday at which I quizzed somebody (who had already declared that he followed "absolute morality", that the Rule of Law was a distraction, and - when I asked where he got his unshakeable moral values from - rolled his eyes heavens-ward and pointed upwards) what his thoughts were on gay marriage.
You can never be disappointed with such creatures: "OUTRAGEOUS!" he hissed.
Marvellous stuff. I wonder what adjectives he has in reserve for (say) someone firing on their own people?
(He was right, though. We were in a basement dining room - and blow me down if I did not find absolute morality on the ground floor, at the bar, having a Pilsner.)
Love to all you cheeky leprechauns out there,
Mel and Tim x
Tuesday 15 March 2011
Lipstick and your dollar
Lipstick sales go up in a recession. Or is it because people like us read that and obediently trot out to buy lippy, in a self-fulfilling bee-kissed prophecy? I ran out of the shade I adventure to wear, so I braved the ladies in department stores spraying one with unforeseen subtances to get to the (Chanel) counter.
Why, of course Chanel. Do you think I am a cheap panic buyer?
This is what occurred. The all powerful woman wizard on the Chanel counter stared at my small lipstick and said "Where did you get that?"
Dunno. It's - er - Chanel and it says - er - Chanel.
"I have never seen this" she says.
OK. That's a good start. Bless her - she did try - garlanding her hand with every shade on offer. Finally, we hit on a shade that is almost - but not quite - there. She paints my lips in religious silence. It's all bright red and looks a bit silly at 12:30 noon. I try to please and say - "Fine. I'll grab one of these as a tide over."
Oh no I won't. She looks at me, and kindly says: "It's out of stock."
I leave you with the thought that nude lips may soon be in.
Love, M&T x
Why, of course Chanel. Do you think I am a cheap panic buyer?
This is what occurred. The all powerful woman wizard on the Chanel counter stared at my small lipstick and said "Where did you get that?"
Dunno. It's - er - Chanel and it says - er - Chanel.
"I have never seen this" she says.
OK. That's a good start. Bless her - she did try - garlanding her hand with every shade on offer. Finally, we hit on a shade that is almost - but not quite - there. She paints my lips in religious silence. It's all bright red and looks a bit silly at 12:30 noon. I try to please and say - "Fine. I'll grab one of these as a tide over."
Oh no I won't. She looks at me, and kindly says: "It's out of stock."
I leave you with the thought that nude lips may soon be in.
Love, M&T x
Monday 14 March 2011
Mother's Day - 3 April 2011
Dear cherubic offspring of many, many wombs with a view,
Mother's Day approaches and we are here to remind you to book now to make it a special occasion for your Mamma.
If you don't plan, dear readers, things go wrong. I'll confess that one year we forgot to book somewhere to take Mrs K to lunch. We remembered on the Friday evening before the Sunday of lillies and roses that is Mother's Day. So we called up. Restaurant after restaurant - pubs, bistros, chains and posh venues. They sneered, laughed or clucked disapprovingly at us down the line. "Don't you know", said a thousand incredulous booking persons, "that it's Mother's Day?"
(We rather do know, thank you very much - why do you think we're trying to book?)
We did get a table in the end - at the Pizza Express in Whetstone. I swear nowhere else had room at the Inn. It's... biblical stuff.
All I will say is you should have seen the look on Mrs K's face. I like Pizza Express, they do a fine pizza, but they did not help us by having a huge pink sign outside that announced "Because you love your Mum - and because your Mum loves pizza."
Mrs K mentioned at some point during the lunch that she would rather be dead. It's OK, we cheered her up, with a fine chianti (well, a chianti anyway) - but heed this cautionary tale. If you can - book while you're ahead.
See you on Wednesday 23rd March at the launch,
Love, M&T x
Mother's Day approaches and we are here to remind you to book now to make it a special occasion for your Mamma.
If you don't plan, dear readers, things go wrong. I'll confess that one year we forgot to book somewhere to take Mrs K to lunch. We remembered on the Friday evening before the Sunday of lillies and roses that is Mother's Day. So we called up. Restaurant after restaurant - pubs, bistros, chains and posh venues. They sneered, laughed or clucked disapprovingly at us down the line. "Don't you know", said a thousand incredulous booking persons, "that it's Mother's Day?"
(We rather do know, thank you very much - why do you think we're trying to book?)
We did get a table in the end - at the Pizza Express in Whetstone. I swear nowhere else had room at the Inn. It's... biblical stuff.
All I will say is you should have seen the look on Mrs K's face. I like Pizza Express, they do a fine pizza, but they did not help us by having a huge pink sign outside that announced "Because you love your Mum - and because your Mum loves pizza."
Mrs K mentioned at some point during the lunch that she would rather be dead. It's OK, we cheered her up, with a fine chianti (well, a chianti anyway) - but heed this cautionary tale. If you can - book while you're ahead.
See you on Wednesday 23rd March at the launch,
Love, M&T x
Saturday 12 March 2011
Launch party details confirmed
Come and join us on Wednesday 23rd March 2011 from 7pm till late at the:
Dalston Superstore
117 Kingsland High Street
London E8 2PB
to celebrate the book launch and all good things!
See you there,
Mel and Tim x
Dalston Superstore
117 Kingsland High Street
London E8 2PB
to celebrate the book launch and all good things!
See you there,
Mel and Tim x
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